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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26130436">Love is more than a feeling</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Biket/pseuds/Biket'>Biket</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>TsukkiYama Week 2020 [4]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Haikyuu!!</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Aroace Tsukishima Kei, M/M, Post-Canon, Queerplatonic Relationships, Supportive Yamaguchi Tadashi, TsukkiYama Week 2020, Tsukkiyama Week</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 09:23:04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,880</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26130436</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Biket/pseuds/Biket</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>They had always been a pair, a full package. You couldn’t get to know one of them without having the other around, it was simple like that. They were inseparable, the two sides of the same coin. Yamaguchi had always found everything to be easy when he was by Tsukishima’s side. </p><p>Maybe that was the reason he had so easily fallen in love with him.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>TsukkiYama Week 2020 [4]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1892755</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>56</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>TsukkiYama Week 2020</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Love is more than a feeling</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>TsukkiYama week day 4 - Post-Canon!<br/>I don't know if it fits well with the prompt since Yams is mostly remembering past events but I guess that'll have to do. It might be a bit messy too, sorry :/</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Yamaguchi was leaning against a wall not too far from the locker room, waiting for Tsukki to cool down with his teammates before joining him. The Sendai Frogs had just won a really tough match and amongst their fiercest supporters was Yamaguchi. His voice might be broken by now, he thought. He had cheered and cheered like he never had before, proud of seeing Tsukki so proud while playing volleyball. It wasn’t the first time the freckled boy had come to a match but that didn’t matter. He would scream and cheer at every game as if it was the first one. Because his Tsukki deserved that. </p><p>“Who’s that?”</p><p>Hearing the voice, Yamaguchi’s head perked up from the mindless scrolling on his phone. He smiled sheepishly at the tall guy standing in the doorway of the locker room. It was one f Tsukishima’s teammates but he couldn’t remember his name. Thankfully, the man hadn’t been talking to him but to Tsukishima himself. </p><p>The middle blocker’s head peeked past the doorway, frowning. He relaxed upon recognizing Yamaguchi and got out of the locker room. The freckled boy took this as his cue to take a step forward and take Tsukki’s bag to give him a break since he must have been tired after such a game. He didn’t exactly expect Tsukishima to shyly slide an arm around his waist before looking at his teammate, visibly nervous.</p><p>“My partner.” Tsukishima smiled slightly despite the troubled emotions Yamaguchi could decipher through his body language.</p><p>Yamaguchi greeted the man he didn’t know with a polite nod then let his head rest again the blond’s shoulder and smiled happily. </p><p>They had come a long way.</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>* * *</p>
</div>They had always been a pair, a full package. You couldn’t get to know one of them without having the other around, it was simple like that. Ever since Tsukishima had pronounced the word ‘pathetic’ to Yamaguchi or his bullies, he still didn't know, the freckled boy had known there was something special about his tall savior. They grew up together, discovered their favorites bands together, played volleyball together. They were inseparable, the two sides of the same coin. Yamaguchi had always found everything to be easy when he was by Tsukishima’s side.<p>Maybe that was the reason he had so easily fallen in love with him. </p><p>When Tsukki came out to him during their last year of high school, Yamaguchi had been happy to listen, and even though he didn’t quite grasp everything ‘aroace’ meant, he knew he had to do his own research. Tsukishima had been looking too stressed to answer any of his eventual questions and so Yamaguchi had decided not to say anything except that he accepted him fully for who he was and that his sexual and romantic attractions were just another part of him he’d come to terms with. Tsukki was such an important part of his life by now, he couldn’t do anything but accept him as he was. After all, the middle blocker hadn’t said anything when Yamaguchi had casually told him he was bisexual, the year before. So it was his duty as a best friend to accept him and to make him feel like he was valid. Because he was. </p><p>Yamaguchi still remembered the night following the coming out of his friend. He had spent hours on the internet to try and find various definitions, discovering several micro-labels since the terms asexual and aromantic could also refer to a spectrum. Acespec and arospec, he had learned. And if the two were combined, it was named aspec. It had been a lot to learn and remember but it was for Tsukki, he could do it. He could do anything to make him feel good about himself.</p><p>Three months later, just after their graduation ceremony, Yamaguchi realized he was in love with him. And he immediately hated himself for it. He thought this love meant he would be alone, suffering from an unrequited feeling Tsukishima couldn’t return even if he wanted to. He felt as if his world had come crashing down, as if everything would suddenly change. He thought he wouldn’t confess, it wouldn’t be fair to Tsukki, that he shouldn’t tell him about those feelings since he knew there was no chance they could be together.</p><p>That’s where he had been terribly wrong. </p><p>Tsukishima was smart and even if he usually struggled with everything related to feelings and how to deal with this kind of thing, he noticed the weird way Yamaguchi had suddenly been acting with him. How he would distance himself from him, saying it was to make the separation less hurtful since friends tended to drift apart during college. It was a shitty excuse as they would be roommates and attend the same faculty, even though they wouldn’t be in the same course. So the anxious freckled boy had no choice but to tell the truth to his best friend.</p><p>He told him he loved him. And he didn’t even let Tsukishima the time to respond before apologizing and saying he already knew nothing would come out of it. He said he knew Tsukki would never love him like that, would never love anyone like that. Not because he was broken but because he just didn’t feel it, didn’t feel the need to be in a relationship with someone, and because the basic routine of a couple bored him to no end. Yamaguchi hadn’t even be surprised when he heard the usual ‘shut up Yamaguchi’ that time. </p><p>It was what followed, that surprised him. </p><p>“<i>I love you too,</i>” Tsukishima had said. “<i>Not in a conventional way and those words don’t mean that I suddenly feel butterflies in my stomach whenever I’m around you neither. It’s just… How can I explain?</i>”</p><p>And explain, he did.</p><p>He told him he didn’t consider love as an emotion but more as good intentions. When Tsukishima said he loved him, what he meant was ‘<i>I intend on acting in a certain way towards you to show you that I care about you, that you are my favorite person in the world.</i>’ Tsukishima told him about how he had struggled to come to terms with this strange attraction he felt towards him, questioning his whole identity in the process. He had thought he had been faking it all this time only to find some people online who had been in the same kind of situation. And now, he knew. </p><p>Queerplatonic relationships. </p><p>That’s what they had. </p><p>Tsukishima was scared, at first. He didn’t exactly say it but Yamaguchi was no fool and he knew him better than anyone in the whole world. When asked, the middle blocker had told him he didn’t want to trap him in a relationship that wasn’t like the traditional couples. He wasn’t comfortable with physical touch and had told him from the start he shouldn’t expect any physical relationship with him. </p><p>“<i>I don’t love you to have sex with you,</i>” Yamaguchi had said, his face flushed but his expression dead serious. And it was true. He was bisexual, sure, but that didn’t mean he absolutely needed to be intimate with his partner to feel good in a relationship. Tsukishima had tried to hide his relief but really, it had been written all over his face. </p><p>Then they had talked about boundaries. About what was fine, what was not, what might change over time. They had agreed that physical touch was okay as long as it was only for hugs and cuddles and sometimes, kisses. Tsukishima had told him he was fine with pet names as long as it wasn’t overused and he didn’t mind Yamaguchi calling him his boyfriend even though he himself struggled to say it, preferring to call him his partner instead. All in all, being in a relationship with Tsukki had been quite easy.</p><p>The hardest thing to bear for Yamaguchi was the constant self-doubt of Tsukishima. </p><p>He still remembered Hinata’s perplexed face when they had told their former first-year squad that they were together. The orange-haired boy didn’t waste any time to express his disbelief since he never saw them acting like any other couples he knew or even like him and Kageyama. They had brushed it off, saying they had their own relationship and that it was their business what they were doing in public or not. But later, in the intimacy of their shared bedroom, Yamaguchi had found Tsukki curled up on himself, too troubled to fall asleep.  </p><p>“<i>I shouldn’t have done this to you, Tadashi. You shouldn’t be with me, you can’t be happy like this. You’ll leave one day. I’m broken, you can’t love me. You can’t.</i>”</p><p>The words had been unbearable to hear but the worst were the tears. Yamaguchi didn’t remember the last time he’d seen Tsukishima cry. And he swore he would never see it again, not if he could help it. He knew it was hard at times, being aroace. He couldn’t really understand it of course but Tsukki had talked to him about it, a bit. He had told him how good he felt when he had finally put words on what he was but how fake he felt sometimes. How tough it was to see strangers commenting on whether or not people like him were struggling because of their sexual and romantic orientations, how he didn’t feel welcome in both the cishet world and the lgbtqia+ community. Even in his own community, he would often feel alienated for being aromantic. When he told him all that, Yamaguchi had felt rage coursing through his veins. How dare they make his boyfriend feel that way?</p><p>It was with those confessions in mind that the freckled boy had spoken this night, with a newfound determination in his voice.</p><p>“<i>You’re not broken. I am perfectly happy with what we have, with the kind of love you give me. And I don’t care what they think, I don’t care if we don’t act like other people. I’m not in this relationship for them. I’m here for you, and only you. You hear me?</i>”</p><p>“<i>I love you.</i>” It was nothing more than a whisper but Yamaguchi had caught it easily. He had felt his heart warming instantly. Those three words were rare coming from Tsukki. He didn’t want to say it too much, didn’t want to waste it on meaningless occasions. This one might have been perceived as wasted to Yamaguchi, had he not known better. He could have thought those three words were only meant to calm him down.</p><p>But he had realized it was so much more than that. </p><p>This ‘I love you’ had changed everything. The trust they had, the support they’d give each other, the silly banter punctuating their days, all of that had become even stronger. Even in public, things had changed. Tsukishima had gained more and more confidence, holding his hand idly every time he could without feeling too self-conscious, kissing him out of nowhere when they were alone. </p><p>This ‘I love you’ had been a key moment in their relationship. And even though Tsukishima still struggled sometimes and wasn’t always confident enough to introduce Yamaguchi as his boyfriend, his <i>partner</i>, things were great.</p><p><i>They</i> were great.</p><p>Together and happy, in their own unique way.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Fellow aspecs, you have all my love and support ♥<br/>Hope you liked it!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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